The Glum Tree

The Glum tree, as perhaps you can see, does have considerable reason to be glum. First of all, he appears to be only half a tree, and not the more flattering half, we regret to note. (Although how he could have been only the upper half is subject to some debate.)

In any event, being the (admittedly) less-attractive half, he is utterly without branches, or leaves, and is thus quite short, which is often a frustration in itself. You can see from his expression that he is not at all happy with his condition, although there are surely other trees quite like him of a more salutary disposition if he would only just look around.

In an effort to cheer him up, we have regularly placed small branches of huckleberry and spruce and cedar upon his head, hoping thereby to give him a semblance of hearty flourishing, or in the very least, a hint of a full head of leaves, which in some circles is regarded as a desirable thing. However, no matter what we do, his expression never changes. We’ve tried adding berries, and feathers, and moss, as you see below. We have punked him out with zany twigs and fanciful sticks, as you see above. We’ve stood and talked with him for minutes at a time, trying to jolly him out of his funk, but he is impervious to our efforts.



Perhaps it's simply a matter of the Right Hat. Perhaps what the Glum Tree needs is a topper of a more dignified nature, such as Kaiser Wilhelm II's hat below.



As it happens, Kaiser Wilhelm II was such a thoughtless, unkind fellow capable of such brutal sentiments (the details of which we will spare you, since even bad press is more press than he deserves, but which include the deforestation of his entire estate) that we don't entirely regret his evident infelicity. The illustration below offers the most vivid expression of how he was popularly regarded.



Glum sorts of that order simply are not deserving of our ministrations, and should be prepared to be made sport of, but the Glum Tree is of a very different type.

Sometimes all you can do with a tree like that is just wish him well. To be sure, we will keep refreshing his “head,” adding the occasional branch or moss as we pass, but we have at last concluded if he is ever to be happier, he will have to change his expression.