While it is true there are no Lions and Tigers and Bears in our particular Northwest Woods, there are, nonetheless, other creatures of a dubious and possibly troubling nature, such as this fellow above. Our tolerance for his fairly menacing posture is greatly facilitated by the fact that he is quite (it could be said even altogether) immobile.
That said, he is nonetheless capable of inspiring a certain frisson, as the French say, which we take to mean a shuddery little chill in this particular case (perhaps owing to our diminishing linguistic skills and our (probable) corresponding mispronunciation as freeze-on).
But if you need any further urging in the department of Taking Note, we suspect the figure below may serve as the Ultimate Cautionary Figure (or the Northwest Woods' pièce de résistance, to engage in a bit of Francophilia again, resistance being the particularly pertinent term since it appears that is the limit of its offensive capabilities):
You will be reassured to note that it is of the species Dinosaurus ineffectus, owing, most certainly, to its (happily noted, again) immobile condition, although to the hasty eye it may well induce a touch of apoplexy if unprepared. (By the way, we urge you not to confuse Karma the Beloved Dog's evident intrepidness for Oblivion to Danger, which he most certainly is not subject to.)
It is with some relief, then, that further threats to our well-being appear to have even less in the way of mobility, what with only their claws being exposed and the rest of them being (evidently) underground.
And then there are those who are patently incapable of damage but who nonetheless effect as threatening a posture as they can muster,
which even we recognize is as about as threatening a menace as a stuffed piranha (which, by the way, we do have a picture of).
(Thereby begging, of course, the questions of just who in the world would seek a stuffed toy in the form of a piranha, and could we arrange a meeting?)
Ah, and snakes. Now, we should probably clarify that although we don’t dislike snakes, and even on one occasion could be said to have petted one, and another to have rescued one (with fairly powerful results, but that’s for another telling), we don’t feel altogether comfortable knowing they are out and about (which, as it happens, they are not, in the Northwest Woods), with fangs, and with possibly accompanying venom (which, we hasten to add, they don't have in the Northwest Woods because there aren't any). We do think snakes are very interesting, and mysterious, and we have great respect for them, but it gives our feet great comfort to know in scuffling about the forest leaves we are not at risk of venomous nips to our toes.
Even though it is true that there are no poisonous snakes in our particular Northwest Woods (we know we've said that before but it gives us great confidence to repeat it) there are, nonetheless, enough what-appear-to-be snakes to fill a Medusa’s head.
Here, by the way, is a picture of Medusa, about whom you may have previously heard, and who looks quite like one of us feels now and then on a particularly disagreeable day, of which we are grateful to have very few.
Here is another picture of her in which she appears just as confused about why she is behaving so poorly as, we presume, those around her are:
Medusa, as you might know, is a goddess whose beautiful head was turned into snakes, which in turn caused anyone who looked (and how could one not? Certainly were we to encounter a woman whose head was seething with reptiles we would most certainly take a second, and possibly third, look)
But where are we now? Ah, yes. To look would cause the looker to turn to stone.
We do feel Medusa has been rather misunderstood, and certainly snakes have been given short shrift (we think that can be redressed by lowering the hems), but she is a very important goddess to know about for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that we each must be on the alert for those moments when our own anger is such that it can turn others to stone.
In the event of a future occasion in which we find ourselves impossibly, steam-blowingly, angry, we have, fortunately, discovered that we can order our own Medusa wig:
We are hopeful that, instead of cussing and fussing and fuming, we might divert our attentions by donning it. In the very least it will alert those around us that We Are Not To Be Messed With, which is always useful to let others know in advance. We are guessing that it will also make us laugh, which is one of the most reliable antidotes to anger.
This may not, however, prevent you from feeling the tiniest bit apprehensive now and then, what with the puzzling transformation of snakes, lizards and (evidently) dinosaurs into wood, and the suspicion that there must be Some Thing Responsible.
We are guessing there is some figure of a Medusa sort in the Northwest Woods capable of becoming in the very least Very Annoyed, and perhaps it is the Menacing Lizard, above. We can’t say for certain.
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